“ If you open your eyes and your heart, he will show you his magical world. But you have to be patient.
Just sit. And listen. He will give you a glimpse. He will show you the beauty in a life lived off the beaten path.”
This photo was taken in May of 2019. 5 months before my son received his diagnosis. Let me explain the significance of this photo and how this moment changed my life and perspective forever!
During this time Autism was a speculation but it wasn’t an open conversation. It was hard to talk about and To accept the possibility. Just the thought of it being a possibility was already impacting my marriage and our family. I could feel the resistance from all of us!
Liam didn’t feel understood by either of us, my husband felt like a failure because he didn’t know how to connect with his son, and my heart ached for both of them and everything I expected our family to be was the complete opposite.
I remember praying to Heavenly Father that no matter what the outcome, all three of us would have the strength to overcome any and all obstacles. That our eyes and hearts would be open to seeing and receiving his blessings. That we would have his guidance and mercy through this time in our lives when all we want to do is question what our purpose is. What Liam’s purpose is. I asked for inspiration in motherhood. That I would have the gift of wisdom and knowledge to help guide Liam. That I could lead with my intuition to connect and communicate with my non verbal toddler. I had been asking God for so many blessing while preparing myself for a diagnosis.
While deep down my heart knew that my son had autism, a large part of me still doubted, praying that there would be a different outcome. I was fearful of the unknown and what I wasn’t familiar with. Constantly questioning God!
Would my marriage survive the everyday demands of a special needs child?
Would we, individually as parents be able to handle this challenge mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?
Would Liam be able to live independently?
Would Liam be able to ride a bike, play sports, live a full life?
We were in a downward spiral in a ditch of despair as we let our thoughts and feeling give into the adversary! We saw things going very different than what we envisioned and that set us up to feel disappointment in our life! This causes so much confliction in our hearts and contention in our lives. We justified its presence by thinking we are alone while walking this journey and that we are not enough! Tears were shed and anxiety happened!
I stayed feeling anxious! My mom knew what forces we were faced against as we battled this time in life. she invited Liam and I to go on an adventure to New Orleans Audubon Aquarium for the day and little did I know I would receive a very reverent answer to my prayers that day.
As we explored I decided to just watch Liam, enjoy, and appreciate how happy he was.
As All of the other kids were running by and continued to explore the “ jungle” Liam stopped. He just stood there looking up as the light shined down on his face. He marveled at the plants, the animals, all the things that God created. He stopped to appreciate his beauty and show thanks through the reverence he showed while standing there.
As I stood there mesmerized by his peace and watching him I heard a small voice say
“ He’s Autistic. He’s going to do great things! Stay faithful and you will be blessed!”
Tears instantly streamed down my face!
Peace filled my heart and soul and I could feel Gods love for us!
I spent weeks fighting with the adversary and in just one moment, when I allowed myself to see past the unknowns and just appreciate what a blessing my child was, I stepped two feet over that line. That line of fear,doubt and uncertainty that was separating me and everything I’ve ever envisioned of parenthood. His love gave me the faith to step Into something completely unfamiliar. We are incredibly adaptable to life and it’s challenges!
Isn’t it such a blessing we have the chance to shift our hearts and minds, change our perspective on life, and transform and grow?! It’s so easy for us to stack the odds against the unknown. But when we receive that guidance and comfort and we see his blessings doesn’t that victory feel the sweetest?!?
Liam who was two at the time already saw past his challenges, he preservers, he shows us forgiveness, and he marvels at god’s Gods beauty with such joy! His perspective is not limited by his circumstances. So why would we limit ours?
He exists for us. He exists for you. He exists to help you succeed and to feel true happiness and joy in this life.
Don’t lose heart when things look bleak! Raise you faith to the level of your opposition!
We may not have gone where we had in mind, but we will end up where we need with better blessings! Choose to be faithful and optimistic, because God has given us every reason and promise to be.
He more than sees our potential because he placed it there. He is developing you and preparing you for something better. So Hang tight because this storm that hangs above you, This heaviness that fills your heart heart and home it will pass. The storm will break. But you won’t. Because you are resilient, you are capable, and he is purposeful! ❤️
Ashlee porter is a stay at home mom to a three year old little boy who was recently diagnosed with Autism. She has been married for 7 years. In her free time she loves connecting with other mamas, blogging and advocating for Autism/ Sensory Processing Disorder, and spending time with her family!
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