To My First Born, You’ll Always Be My Baby

Dear not-so Little one, 

It’s been about two weeks since we brought home your sister. I know it’s been a rough adjustment, but you are absolutely killing it in the big brother game. You get her diapers from the shelf, and you make sure she knows she’s protected from all of the monsters, ghosts, and vampires. Most importantly, you make sure she is loved. 

I want to make sure you know the same things. I will always make sure you are protected from all of the monsters. I will kiss all of your owies, and make sure you know that pain is only temporary. I never want you to doubt that I love you just the same as I always did, if not even more. 

Watching you prepare yourself for your sister’s arrival, I knew that you were born to do this. You have this amazing ability to know just when I needed a hug, just when to tell me you loved me, and when the baby was moving, you always had to be there with your hands on my belly to feel her. 

Now that she’s here though, I think you are a little unsure of what’s happened. I know I have to spend a lot of time with her and can’t dedicate my every second like I used to. I know it’s hard to have to share me, but I want to make sure you know something. 

YOU were the first. The first baby to ever live in my belly, the first person to know what my heart sounds like from the inside. You were the first to capture our hearts, to be brought home in that seat, to snuggle with all day, and keep me up all night. You were the first. The first to get hurt and test my ability to be the strong mom I needed to be, the first to teach me the patience I needed for a baby (and into your newfound toddler ‘tude), the first to teach me how to put another human need completely in front of my own, and the first to teach me a kind of love that only a mother knows. 

When your sister came into this world, I was so worried that I somehow needed to figure out how to love her and you. I was nervous that I wouldn’t know how. But guess what? I did it, without any question. However, this love, it didn’t come from taking away any love from you. My heart grew to fit you both. I love you both in such different ways. You will always be my first born, my little boy, and no matter how much I watch you grow; you will always be the sweet 7-pound baby boy who captured my heart first, all those moons ago. 

Love you to infinity, 

Mom

Payge is a military wife, as well as a mom of a 3-year-old boy named SJ, also known as the tiny tornado, and is due with a little girl in March. She loves true crime, Harry Potter, and Mexican food (not necessarily in that order.) She is originally from Temecula, California, but has planted roots in Bluffdale, Utah. She has a strong passion for mental health awareness as well as promoting body positivity and self-love, while still enjoying tacos. She has been a long-time follower and member of the Mamahood Community, and hopes to use this space to help others.