This Too Shall Pass

My mom motto recently has been: “This too shall pass.” Followed quickly by, “At least I seriously hope it will.” I was listening to a podcast the other day when the host said something along the lines of, “I miss those baby days; they were way easier than these pre-teen ones.” 

“Nu uh. No way. Nope.” I snickered as I threw a pile of soiled baby clothes into the washing machine. “She must not remember how hard having a little baby is.” Now I realize that I may not fully understand what it’s like to have teenagers, pre-teens, or even a toddler, but I definitely understand how hard sleep deprivation, fussiness, and seemingly never ending teething can be. 

Sometimes I soak in the bubble bath and wonder, “What the heck was I thinking becoming a mother?” My thoughts are validated as soon as I hear the baby crying through the monitor after taking a measly 30 minute nap. 

It’s not always like this. In fact, it gets better and better with each passing day, as I’m sure nearly any mom would agree, but these days do come and I want you to know that it’s okay that they do. The early days of my motherhood journey were hard on me physically and mentally; absolutely nothing could truly prepare me for just how difficult the transition to parenthood would be. 

I found myself missing my old life, a life without a baby. I think back to before my husband and I decided to start our family and wonder why I wanted to become a mom so badly. The visions I had of motherhood consisted of decorating sugar cookies, snuggling on the couch for a movie night, and traveling in the car to Disneyland. They did not include the long, tired nights, diaper explosions up the back and down the legs, or the weeks where the baby is fussy and I can’t seem to figure out why. 

I realize that the time for movies, cookies, and family vacations are all in the future; which is exactly the reason why being in this stage of my babies’ life is particularly hard for me. I look forward to the days when I don’t have to haul a diaper bag and carseat that are heavier than I am into the grocery store and I’m excited to talk to my children about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. Right now, I’m changing diaper after diaper, attempting to feed my baby solids, and keeping my eye religiously on the clock to make sure that I don’t miss nap time. 

But occasionally I begin to understand how someone could miss these boring, routine days. There is a sweet simplicity in getting your smiley baby out of their crib after a nights sleep and watching their eyes light up with each new discovery. Sometimes, especially on the days where my baby is particularly fussy, it’s easy for me to wish for time to pass by quicker, but I remind myself of just how fleeting time really is and that these days, whether good or bad, are going to pass by before I know it. 

Already I find myself missing the moments when my son would fall asleep on my chest or fit into his tiny newborn clothes. I miss the way his arms would stretch high above his little head after waking up from a nap and the different facial expressions he would make as he fell asleep. It’s so easy for me to see the grass on the other side and to wish I was in a different stage of my life without recognizing the beautiful moments I get to experience right now.

For now I’ll savor his lingering baby smell, soak up his contagious laugh, and get excited when he sits up unaided for more than three seconds. I’ll celebrate the little victories: making it through days of fussiness and teething, grocery shopping while the baby is sleeping, and changing a diaper that didn’t explode. 

I know that sometimes the days feel incredibly slow and hard, but I also know that the days will pass by quickly as my baby grows up and becomes more and more independent. So now, whenever I’m feeling a little impatient or frustrated, I’ll remind myself of my mom motto: “This too shall pass…” followed quickly by, “but please, not too fast.”