I have a confession to make. I have always been a love sick, sappy person. I started looking for a guy to love me way too early in life. I would seek love and lust in all of the wrong places. Often being pretty destructive and desperate.
My heart was broken. I broke plenty of hearts too. I left relationships unsatisfied and totally unsure of what I wanted.
I jumped through hoops for the guys I loved. And I was left empty. Empty handed and empty hearted.
Finally, I found my amazing, perfect match when I was 22 years old. Over the last seven years I have learned and have been shown exactly what I deserve. What we all deserve in a significant other/spouse.
Like all marriages, ours definitely isn’t perfect. But I have been treated exactly how I have always longed to be. Exactly how I never thought was possible.
I wanted to list off some things that I truly believe a supportive partner in life should do. This should come from both sides. None of this should be one sided.
Listen. Truly listen and respond. Knowing each other is vital in a meaningful relationship. When your significant other is talking to you, drop everything and hear them. Creating distractions and walls between each other is far too damaging. Listen with your whole mind and heart. It matters.
Laugh together. Don’t take life too seriously. It’s serious and it’s hard. But laughing together creates a lasting bond. Just be silly.
Make time for each other. Jobs and raising kids. Hobbies, friends and family. All beautiful parts of life, but in the midst of all of it, make time for each other. Go on dates often. Keep that spark and intimacy alive. Give each other those butterflies that brought you together in the first place.
Support one another. In your careers. In your parenting choices. In everything that matters. And everything that doesn’t matter too. The little choices we make, as long as they are safe and in good conscious, matter too. Having support throughout. this life is completely necessary. Especially from the one you chose to spend forever with.
Comfort each other. Life is hard and messy. Having someone to just hold you on the worst days and best days means everything. Our hearts truly need that love and comfort.
Defend each other. There will most likely be times where someone or something will attack the one you love in some way. Stand by them. Defend their honor, their word. Protect their heart. Their trust, ego and image. You chose this person. You chose this love. Defend it. Protect it.
Talk things out. Don’t shut each other out when things are overwhelming. Or when you think you’re too busy. Or if you’re too angry. Talk over big decisions, small decisions. Hard times, good times and everything in between.
Hold hands. It’s such a simple gesture that means so much. It can mean ‘I’m here’ or ‘Everything will be okay’ or ‘I want you close’. All of those are so important to know.
Learn each other’s love languages. This is pretty big. You need to know how your partner longs to be loved. If their love language is physical touch, they need to be touched in order to feel loved. You definitely don’t want to miss the opportunity to love them in a way they crave.
Talk about expectations when it comes to your sex life. Be as open as possible. It’s important to be open with your partner about this topic. Sex is a huge part of life and relationships.
Talk about what you want out of life. Make sure you are both on the same page. Or pretty close to the same page. Or willing to adapt. It would be awful to get so far into your marriage/relationship and realize you both want completely different things out of life.
Keep your problems with each other between each other. Don’t share all of your issues with people outside of your relationship. That will eat your bond alive from the inside out. Venting is normal. But keep it civil and come at it from a place of love, always.
Marriage and relationships are hard. You have to fight and agree to work for it every day. You have to continue to learn and grow together through it all. It can get bumpy and dim, but keep loving and fighting and doing all you can to keep the love alive.
This advice may not be for everyone. And I am far from an expert. But these are things my husband and I do in our marriage that helps us to keep our bond strong. Please don’t force anything that doesn’t feel natural. Have confidence in yourself and the love you chose.
We all deserve amazing love. We deserve someone who craves us. Who adores us. Who treats us exactly how we have always dreamed.
Bree Johns is 29 years old and has two children – a three year old boy and a 10 month old girl. Her and her husband have been married for 5 years. She is a proud recovered addict of 10 years, an animal lover, and avid youtube viewer. Writing and motherhood are her biggest passions.
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