I cannot believe that it has been a full year since the day you were placed on my chest, suddenly bursting into existence with your tiny chubby legs and swollen cherub cheeks. Opening a window into heaven, giving me a glimpse of pure peace coupled with an indescribable realization of self purpose.
This year has housed a lot of sacred moments for you and I. It has also brought its fair share of growing pains. Because while you were learning how to be a human, I was learning how to be a mom.
I have changed countless dirty diapers, cleaned countless amounts of spit up off my clothes, and wrestled you through countless nail trimming adventures.
As you produced your first crooked smiles, I found a joy unmatched by anything else I knew in my previous life. A new laugh bubbled up out of me that I didn’t possess before you.
As you fought your way through too many sicknesses, I would lay awake listening to you cough and worrying about your tiny body. I felt frustration, pain, and helplessness. I ached as I held you tight until your fever broke.
As you careened into your many milestones–first learning how to roll over, sit up, and then crawl–I was there. Watching you learn how to move your amazing body and feeling such pride in the knowledge that you are MINE.
As you bounced and gurgled and babbled while simultaneously wiping baby food allll over the back of your head, I felt bittersweet tears prick my eyes. realizing how quickly the days pass and wishing I could bottle up your tight curls and the smell of Johnson’s lavender baby wash after a bath.
When you wrapped your little arms tightly around my neck and buried your head into my chest, I felt longing for days that are not yet over. Knowing how soon you won’t call for me in the middle of the night.
As you have discovered your likes and dislikes, you’ve learned how to trumpet your disgust and joy, knowing we’d cater to your every whim.
I have found a quiet confidence in knowing you. I have learned your cues for hunger, pain, and rest.
Somehow, in knowing you I have come to know me. As you have come to associate me with the word “Mama.” I have found acceptance of the curves and stretch marks on my body, learned to see them as badges of honor. A true reward for how hard I worked to get you here.
We have adjusted, ooooh how we have adjusted. You have now successfully transitioned from womb to world, breast to bottle, co-sleep to crib, liquid to solids, and immobile to capable of getting into ANYTHING! ! Through it all, I have had to adjust too. My sleep schedule, my priorities, my activities, my love life, my motivation.
This year you have shown me what it is to purely and unconditionally love someone, you taught me how to be selfless. You have given me a belonging. You are mine and I am yours. Your wide eyed wonder of the world has given me the fresh start I never knew I needed.
Today as we watch you clap and laugh and happily babble while curiously touching a giant slab of chocolate cake with a candle that says “1” on top of it..
I will take a deep breathe and freeze you in time. You with your long lashes and two-toothed grin and happy giggle.
Today, I will feel all the things I’m feeling and let the tears come. You are thriving, content , smart and well attached. I can only pray that you’ll always know how we feel about you- what a true gift you are.
How much you’ve changed me. How many doors you’ve opened. How many walls you’ve broken down in my soul. How we need you, how we don’t know who we were before you came. Thank you for changing me, for being patient with me. Thank you for holding me tight through these growing pains. I will always be humbled by the miracle that is you.
Abbie Jensen was born and raised in Pleasant Grove, Utah. She married her high school sweetheart and considers herself the luckiest girl in the world to be loved by him. She is a licensed Medical Esthetician and personal assistant for a marketing company. But she spends most of her time with her almost 1 year old baby girl who is by far, her favorite part of her. She loves Pride and Prejudice, podcasts, Sodalicious, and writing in her journal when she remembers that it exists twice a year. She is a recovering people pleaser and a terrible cook! She’s thrilled to be joining the Mamahood team and honored to be part of this group of strong women! Find her on Instagram @abs_jensen
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