My Journey with Prenatal and Postpartum Anxiety

Like many moms, I had no idea what to expect after the birth of my first daughter, Hazel. I had read countless blog posts about infant sleep, postpartum diet for milk supply, and proper bottle sanitation. It never occurred to me to prepare myself mentally for what was really in store for me next. 

Again, like many moms, I experienced what I thought was the baby blues. I had heard about the baby blues and knew it was normal to have emotional ups and downs; but it didn’t end there. It got worse. I got worse. 

My emotions were out of control, my anxiety became so crippling. I was terrified to drive anywhere because I had images of us getting into a horrific car accident. 

I couldn’t sleep because I would hover over her crib, counting her breaths. 5, 10, 15, 20 breaths..ok I can go to sleep now. Then 10 minutes later I would relive the cycle until morning. My mind was constantly overloaded with worry and intrusive thoughts. There was no reprieve. 

Guys, I waited way too long to get the help I needed. I had finally gotten my anxiety under control when (surprise) I found out I was pregnant again! I was so excited but so scared. We were trying, I had no idea I was pregnant and I was taking medication that my Dr. told me was safe, but (of course) google will tell you horror stories about just about anything. 

I made the decision to go off my medication while pregnant. I thought, hey I’m solid now. I got this. 

Quicker than you would think, my symptoms creeped back into my life. But this time, I had the little baby inside of me to worry about. Of course I was worried about possible side effects of medication, but I was equally as concerned about the stress my untreated anxiety would put on our precious surprise. 

I made it almost to my third trimester before deciding to go back on my medication. In the end, my Dr. and I decided it was the best, safest decision for me and the baby. This whole experience has tested me in so many ways. I have prayed harder than I ever have in my entire life. God gave me the strength to trust my Dr., to stop googling, and to take control of my mental health. 

There is no shame in seeking help, mamas! Know that you are not alone!

Post by Bridget Caldwell