(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and I am not giving medical advice. I am simply sharing my experience and what worked for me. Talk with your doctor with any concerns about your health or your baby’s health.)
With my second baby, he cried and cried for hours on a regular basis. I consulted with my pediatrician. He suggested a few things, but nothing made the long episodes of crying go away. It was the worst in the evening. He would cry for up to 5 hours straight, and nothing I did seemed to work. I tried bouncing, rocking, feeding, swinging, “shh-ing”, singing, gas drops, massages, white noise, etc.
As a mom, I felt like my job was to nurture, love, and take care of my baby, but I just couldn’t calm him down. I just didn’t know what to do for him. So I cried. I asked family and friends for different ideas of how to calm babies. I researched colic. I cried. I prayed. I was at a complete loss and felt like a total failure as a mom. And did I mention I cried?
Every night around 7, my poor little baby would cry. My husband always said, “It’s okay to put him down in his bed where you know he’s safe.” But I always thought, ‘I need to hold him. I need to comfort him. I can’t abandon him! Especially when he’s crying so hard.’
I reached a point where I realized I had to put him down, for his safety and mine. I had dark thoughts: thoughts of suicide, thoughts of hurting my baby, thoughts of running away because I thought my family would be better off without me. Honestly they were the hardest days I have been through. I felt guilty I had this beautiful baby, when so many amazing people are hoping and praying for their opportunity to be a parent. I thought someone else should be the mother to my child, because in my head I was a terrible mom for feeling all those feelings.
I finally realized, this is NOT normal. Those thoughts aren’t really who I am. Those thoughts came because of postpartum depression. They came from listening to my baby cry for hours and hours every day and feeling helpless. I’m not telling you my story for pity. I am telling you my story to let you know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are in the deep, dark, and extremely hard days, I see you. I feel you. I know it is so so hard.
From a mama that has been through postpartum depression and a colicky baby, here are some things to remind yourself:
You are doing better than you know. Keep going. Keep trying. I’m sending all my love and prayers for you during this difficult time! It will get better.
You are strong.
You are brave.
You are beautiful.
LaChelle is an Idaho mom of two boys, ages 1 and 2. She has taught Zumba for 8 years and has a degree in Exercise and Wellness. She is passionate about motherhood, loves traveling, being thrifty, camping (before kids because camping with babies has been rough), and going on adventures with her family! You can find her @lovinlikeamom on Instagram.
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