One of my most favorite friends is moving far away and I had a moment of sadness as I lay in bed thinking of what I’ll do without her. (#pregnancyhormones came out real fast!) At first I thought, “Oh, it’ll be okay, God will just send another friend my way and all will be great!” and about .5 seconds after that, a real thought hit me hard.
“But maybe He won’t.”
I kept thinking about this sentence and it’s shaken me a bit. A few years ago, my cousin, the most handsome father of 4 kids and a beautiful wife, in his 30’s, was suffering from a horrific kind of cancer. My family is HUGE and we all plead for his life, hundreds and hundreds of prayers.
During my prayers I always just thought, “Oh, Heavenly Father wouldn’t let him die from this and leave his family, he can totally cure him!” And ya know what? He totally COULD cure him, but “Maybe he wouldn’t.” My sweet cousin passed away after fighting for his life and his family leaving countless broken hearts.
I believe in a God of miracles. Oh my goodness, I do. A God that CAN and WILL do miraculous things. But sometimes He won’t. It takes a lot of faith to heal or to be healed, but I believe it takes even more faith to not be.
God wants us to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.
How else would we truly, deep heartedly, learn and grow? We need to be okay even when we aren’t okay and still look to Him because even if he “won’t”, it doesn’t mean he withdraws Himself from us. In fact, He is probably that much closer during those times.
My thoughts trailed to parenthood and how we as parents would put a bubble over our kids to not let them fall, get scraped, deal with bad influences, or get hurt in any way. But we have to let them live a full life and are there to catch them and help them up every time. I believe God is like that with us. He hates watching us suffer, but He won’t ever leave us alone.
“Maybe he won’t” because we need to learn how to be stronger. “Maybe he won’t” because there’s a bigger picture that we can’t possibly see. And maybe, just maybe he “won’t” because he loves us in a deeper kinda way.
So here’s to being comfortable with the uncomfortable, okay when it’s not okay, and having faith anyway.
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