Monday Mama: I Made It

October 27, 2014 in Love Notes

Today’s Monday Mama is my cute friend Lauren. Even though I’ve only met her once she really is one of my good friends and we keep in touch. Don’t you just love those kinds of people? Love her. She speaks to my soul and her little nugget is the cutest!

lauren2

Here’s her story (I totally cried when I first read this, she is so real!):
“Hello to all my fellow mama friends! I have absolutely loved being a part of, “The Mamahood”. I love that this group exists merely because one mama out there was seriously overwhelmed and needed support. Because lets be honest, we’ve ALL been that mom. (And if you haven’t… then just pretend for a second how it would feel to literally want to pull out your own fingernails 😉 )

My name is Lauren and I belong to the group of moms who literally felt like she got hit by a train when she realized what being a mama entailed.

My baby is one. His name is Will. And I finally feel like I am starting to get the hang of this motherhood thing. Yes, a whole entire year later. The best description I can give of how it felt, was like running a relay race. Like I was running and running, getting so tired, almost ready to hand off the baton, and never being able to reach the person in front of me. Does that even make sense? I could always see the end of the rainbow, where my baby would be easy, happy, and healthy, but I was never able to catch it. Will had a lot (“a lot” seems like an understatement…) of health issues pretty much since the day he was born. And I think it seriously put him into the worlds hardest baby category.

Looking back, I can see that nearly the entire first year of his life, I was just doing my very best to keep my head above water. And hold onto my sanity. I didn’t have energy for much else.

Until recently.

I am finally in a place where I feel so excited to wake up every day and see what milestone he is going to conquer next. Instead of dreading his constant crying, administering his next breathing treatment, waiting for him to get sick again, etc.. Our days are (dare I say) fun, and we are totally best friends. He makes me laugh harder than anyone else and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m the weirdest lady around 😉

Maybe newborns aren’t my thing as much as I thought they were.. Because although this whole 1 year old stage is straight chaos and I can never keep up with his path of destruction, I absolutely LOVE it. He’s growing and learning and it is SO FUN to watch. Which is something I don’t think I understood until I became a mother. I used to be so confused as to why people thought it was sooooo oober amazing that their baby had learned to roll over.. Pretty sure a dead animal can roll over.. So what’s the big whoop about that? But all these little milestones are what you live for as a mother.

Changing directions..

I asked my mom a couple months ago, “Do you think I’m still fun?” To which she replied, “You’re probably not as fun as you used to be. But- you’ve got a new life..” In no way did she mean it in a negative way. But it really shook me. I feel like in the midst of becoming a mom, I was losing my identity. Where had that fun, careless girl gone? Am I a boring mom now?

After stewing over it for far too long, I came to this conclusion:

I am a new version of me. I’ve grown in countless ways. Some of which I’m extremely proud of. Some of which I am scared to let myself see (namely myself, in mom jeans). I am learning how to grow into my new self; my wife and mother self. I’m finding old pieces of me and putting them back together, just in a slightly different order. It will probably take some time, and that’s okay.

I’m really just grateful that life is finally normalling out.

A couple days ago, I sat down on the kitchen floor and Will came and laid on my knee. We sat, ate our string cheese together, and had a good heart-to-heart for a solid 15 minutes. (When does a baby ever give you their complete attention for 15 minutes!?) I talked to him and he looked at me like he knew exactly what I was saying. And he would reply just like we were two ladies on a lunch date chatting about the weather. He looked at me like I was the most important person in the world. I’ve realized that moments like that are what make motherhood so sacred and special.
                                                                                                                                                                                         

The night before Will turned one, I laid in my bed and quietly cried myself to sleep. Like any normal, sentimental mother would do on the eve of their babies birthday, right? Except I was mostly crying because guess what? We made it. One whole year. We made it through the clouds just in time to see the sun. I finally caught the rainbow. My babe is healthy and happy. In that moment, I knew Heavenly Father was with me, telling me that he was proud of me for hanging in there.

I realize this post makes me sound like I just made it through a year of intense chemotherapy of something. When really, all I did was have a baby.. But that sweet boy just so happened to through me for the biggest loop of my life. But I made it guys, I MADE IT.

And for any of you doubting that the day of an “easy life” will ever come again… it will. Hang in there, and just remember that these days will come and go all too quickly. Find joy in the screaming ;)”

lauren

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  • Laura Cragun October 27, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Love it. Wow you write beautifully! You seem like an incredible mama. Having those little talks are so precious, even if they can’t understand!

    • Aubrey October 27, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      So true Laura!!

  • Heather October 27, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    So fun to read other mama’s stories. I loved her analogy about running a relay race and never quite being able to reach the person in front of you to hand off the baton. That’s a perfect description of the first year of mommyhood! 🙂

  • brookeblerdahl October 28, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    thank you so much for posting this! I feel the same way with my little boy-after he turned one things just got easier. I remember one day having the thought-“hey, being a mom was actually kind of fun today!” You are a beautiful mom!! Thank you again 🙂

  • Shelly Frank November 3, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Totally what I needed to hear! My babe is 4 months and this could not have come at a better time!

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