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Mama Fail: Butterfly Exhibit

May 14, 2015 in Family

I’m sorry but I’m blogging this story almost instantly after it happened because I can’t stop replaying it in my head and laughing to myself.

So, there is this really cool exhibit that happens every spring where they release thousands of butterflies in a tent and kids can go feed, hold, and watch these beautiful creatures. It sounds almost romantic, doesn’t it?

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It really was….until the end.

First of all, just to give you an idea…you walk in and butterflies are everywhere and some will land on your head. My friend had about 20 all flapping their wings on her head because she was wearing a bright pink bandana. It’s hard not to laugh but amazing at the same time!

The first thing they told me when we bought tickets was that my baby-toddler was supposed to stay in my arms….ya, right. That didn’t last. He was loving chasing and holding all these creatures! I was trying so hard to make sure he was being careful and good. And he was….for the most part.

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  (this is him feeding a butterfly from a distance.)

He loved holding them, so as I was trying to get him to hold still for a sec so I could take a beautiful butterfly picture. (First time mom over here!)

Next thing I know, he grasps tight to both sides of the wings with 2 hands and YANKS the wings completely off this poor butterfly! It was morbid. I almost was in tears.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, 2 seconds after that we went to another part of the tent and somehow managed to knock down an entire wall of flowers that had hundreds of butterflies all perched up on them. (Are. You. Kidding!?) We made the biggest scene. It’s one of those moments where you want to just get out of your own body because it made this huge crash and everyone looked at my kid like he was the world’s biggest nature murderer!

I died. I just stared at the mess we made with dirt, flowers, and butterflies everywhere just waiting for some handcuffs to be placed around my wrists from a security cop. One sweet lady (who was probably a mom) started instantly helping me put flowers back and looked at me and said, “You know, stuff like this happens. Don’t you even worry.”

We left the exhibit shortly after.

Moral of the story:

1. Don’t pull the wings off of butterflies.

2. Be nice to the mom who wants to climb out of her own skin whether it’s because of a tantrum, mess, or if her child just destroyed a butterfly exhibit. We’ve all been there. And if you haven’t been there yet, when it does happen…I’ll be the one to help you pick up your flowers.

 

Xo,

Aubrey

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My Story: Never Alone

October 28, 2014 in Family / For Mamas

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After talking to a friend about the adjustment period of being a new mom, I have the urge to finally tell my story and explain the whole reasoning behind starting this blog.

I have a canvas in my room of my family of 3 that I absolutely love of when my baby was first born. But I also have a hard time looking at it because it was a really hard time of life for me. I feel guilty for even saying that because I’m holding the most beautiful and precious baby in the world and something that so many only wish and hope for every day.

I always dreamed of becoming a mom but it always seemed like a distant dream. I watched my sisters raise kids and it felt like it would be a long way down the road before I even had kids.

After being married only 9 short months, we had a feeling to get pregnant and I was terrified. I know that so many struggle having kids and having miscarriages, and my heart goes out to those moms completely. I thought I would be one of them to be honest. I remember getting to 12 weeks and being completely shocked that we made it far enough to tell people.

Our baby was a miracle baby and if we didn’t deliver in the hospital he wouldn’t have survived. I’m so grateful for the day and age that we live in.

The hospital? A dream. They took care of my baby while I just held him, fed him, and then they watched over him while I slept.

Once we got the green light to go home, reality hit…as it does to most.

Breastfeeding wasn’t working, I had mastitis, thrush, and infections all over. I broke out in hives and wasn’t sure what it was from so I stopped injecting the shots I was told to give myself for a blood disorder. We weren’t doing enough skin-to-skin, he was spitting up and crying like he was in a lot of pain. My husband would wake up with me during every feeding (bless his heart) to help me get through nursing as big tear drops would fall on my baby’s face and I would try so hard not to let him hear me cry as my tense body writhed in the hardest pain I had felt since labor. I think I drove my lactation specialist crazy because every time I would go in, I was that “hard” case she had to deal with. (She was a complete sweetheart to me though and I’m so grateful how kind her heart was to a sobbing new mom)

Wasn’t this supposed to be enjoyable?

The physical pain and being tired on top of that was hard for me. However, the hormones that are completely out of whack added to the pile. I’m not trying to sugar coat anything, but the morbid thoughts were real and I felt dark all around me, all the time. I stopped eating. (I’m sure that helped when trying to feed another human being!) I lost 25 pounds (including baby) in a few weeks and was completely weak. I had zero energy, appetite, and was completely stressed with keeping a little infant alive I would forget to take care of myself. I couldn’t comprehend my life or who I even was anymore. It’s hard to explain but I felt like I was thrown in the Nile river without a lifejacket or even knowing how to swim. I remember calling the nurse and sobbing uncontrollably and in the most sympathetic tone she told me that I was doing a good job and everything would be alright and to start medicine if I wanted to. (I ordered the prescription but never ended up taking it… although I’m a firm believer in getting help!)

I don’t want this part to sound dramatic, but I remember one day I was trying to eat something and feeling so weak that I collapsed on the couch and my plate of food fell out of my hands. I have a picture of the Savior in my house that was in our hallway. I remember my husband was at work, baby was asleep and after I had collapsed on the couch, I looked up with complete helpless tears in my eyes and said to the picture of Christ “Am I going to die?”. It sounds irrational, I know, but I really thought it was possible. I felt alone because I was trying to do it alone.

That night, the picture of Christ was my strength and I was somehow able to keep going.

There’s a quote by Elder Bednar that I love:

“We are not and never need be alone. We can press forward in our daily lives with heavenly help. Through the Savior’s Atonement we can receive capacity and “strength beyond [our] own”

That night I realized that I couldn’t do it alone. I still can’t do it alone. Motherhood is a HUGE opportunity and calling that no one can do it alone. For me, I rely on the Lord to help me each and every day. Even 10 months later when things have gotten a LOT better, I still worry about my peanut and want him to be able to tell people that he had a mom that never gave up on the Lord. Even if I’m falling into shambles on the couch;)

To my new mom friends – hang in there. You got this. Don’t give up. You stay strong. It DOES get easier, and it IS worth it.

I echo Bednar: Through the Savior’s Atonement we can receive capacity and strength beyond our own.”

You are never alone. <3

Tuesday Truth

September 23, 2014 in Family / Other

Well kids…. I’m back at it. I’ve been in school for as long as doctors go to school and I have only an
Associate’s Degree to show for it. BUT…

I can clean your teeth, cut your hair, teach your kids, and help with your family because of all the different majors I have experienced:)

I’ve come to learn it’s not about the destination but always the journey and so many people in the world don’t even get the opportunity so I consider myself blessed to be able to finish school.

I’m completely embarrassed to tell people that it’s my 7th year of my 4th college but as I’ve been taking this course I’ve learned that it’s okay to have that help from the Man upstairs and others around me.

One thing for sure is I won’t give up… (I’m stubborn about it). Even if I don’t “finish” til I’m 99 I will have a lot of lessons in my life to talk about.

So, cheers to another year….and busy nap times.

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how bout an intro?

June 29, 2014 in Family / Uncategorized
Hi.
This is us. 
On a good day.

(We normally sport the sweats, pony tail, and baby food or if we are lucky, pee all down our shirts)

I’m not even going to lie about it. I’m starting this blog for selfish reasons. It could be a total flop, but I just have this urge to do it. Could be the Texas heat gettin at me who knows.
I have to be completely, 100% honest in saying that my whole life I wanted to be a mom, but the second I became a mom I hated it. DISCLAIMER: I don’t hate my child, I just hated the job. My world was completely turned upside down in the best and worst way.  I felt almost helpless, like I had forgotten everything I learned when I was 12 and the neighborhood babysitter. I almost just didn’t trust myself with my own baby. It was ever so joyous to hold him in my arms when he was sleeping and being happy, but when things went awry it was like I just froze. I couldn’t eat, all I wanted to do was sleep, but was constantly paranoid not knowing if I could keep this tiny human even alive. A feeding schedule? I don’t think I’ve ever lived off the clock so intensely.  Something that was supposed to come so “natural” was the total opposite for me. My love for my baby was there, I just wasn’t.
I had family around me but I just felt alone. (Could possibly the fact that my hormones were out of whack) My husband became “Mr. Mom” on most of my breaking moments (which consisted of most of the time those first 3 months). He was the natural. 
So I reached out. I made a group on Facebook so that I could ask my fellow moms how to cure mastitis, deal with thrush, stop acid reflux, which pediatrician was good, etc. you name it! As stupid as Facebook is for some reason it really helped.
You always see beautiful posts about motherhood (which is so great!)… but I felt like I was the only one struggling in this department. It was almost like I had an identity crisis for a minute because I didn’t know how to be my old self in a new mom’s body. I want this blog to be the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think sometimes it’s okay for others to see the “hard” you go through so that they can see how you get through it and come out on top.
I’m also very sensitive to those struggling to have kids or have had stillborns and miscarriages. I have close friends and family who have had to go through that and my heart aches for them.
My views are very open. There’s so much controversy out there over giving birth naturally, epidurals, sleep training, breast feeding, vaccinations… I could go on. There are so many right ways to be a good mom!
So that is why I’m introducing to you “The Mamahood”. AKA my journey to learning how to love my job. Things have progressed quite a bit and I’m loving it more and more each day but I’m hoping that I can truly say “I LOVE being a mom.” And mean it with every bit of my heart.  So if this blog ends up just being for me then great, but if I can somehow reach out to other moms experiencing the same thing than I’ve done my job.

I will be posting a variety of things from good deals, to beauty secrets, to DIYs, to recipes, to quotes I love, to pictures of poop on my walls. The list goes on, so stay tunedJ
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