This is my little family…on a good day.
Most days you’ll find me in an oversized T-shirt, leggings, and the beloved mom-bun with a two year old who has marker all over his legs. My husband is currently finishing his master’s degree in Healthcare and we live in a small town in Texas.
I have to be completely, 100% honest in saying that my whole life I wanted to be a mom, but the second I became a mom I hated it. DISCLAIMER: I don’t hate my child, I just hated the job. My world was completely turned upside down in the best and worst way. I felt almost helpless, like I had forgotten everything I learned when I was 12 and the neighborhood babysitter. I almost just didn’t trust myself with my own baby. It was ever so joyous to hold him in my arms when he was sleeping and being happy, but when things went awry it was like I just froze. I couldn’t eat, all I wanted to do was sleep, but was constantly paranoid not knowing if I could keep this tiny human even alive. Something that was supposed to come so “natural” was the total opposite for me. My love for my baby was there, I just wasn’t.
I had family around me but I just felt alone. (Could possibly the fact that my hormones were out of whack) My husband became “Mr. Mom” on most of my breaking moments (which consisted of most of the time those first 3 months). He was the natural.
So I reached out. I made a group on Facebook so that I could ask my fellow moms how to cure mastitis, deal with thrush, stop acid reflux, which pediatrician was good, etc. you name it! As much as I didn’t love Facebook, that connection with other moms really helped!
You always see beautiful posts about motherhood (which is so great!)… but I felt like I was the only one struggling in this department. It was almost like I had an identity crisis for a minute because I didn’t know how to be my old self in a new mom’s body. I want this blog to capture highlights, but I also want it to be raw. I think sometimes it’s okay for others to see the “hard” you go through so that they can see how you get through it and come out on top.
My views are very open. There’s so much controversy out there over giving birth naturally, epidurals, sleep training, breast feeding, vaccinations… I could go on. There are so many right ways to be a good mom!
This passed year my heart has ached in losing two babies, my heart goes out to those who have experienced similar things, but I’m excited for what the future holds even if I might have to fight for my family to get here. I hope you’ll grab some chocolate and stay around awhile while I show you a glimpse of my mamahood, projects I’m working on, and a community full of moms on the same mission.